Sounds Familiar: "My Unicorn Song"

Pretty self-explanatory, except... I just went nuts on the audio jokes with this one, so much so that I may have to release a version without 'em. And I've already been asked about the two songs on Debasement Tapes that use the same music -- they'll likely be bonus tracks on the final album.

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My Unicorn Song
Words and Music: © 1988, 1989 by Tom Smith
Released under a Creative Commons Noncommercial ShareAlike License

This Unicorn Song is like many you've heard,
Except that I wrote it myself.
It has magical forests and sweet-singing birds,
And maybe a virginal elf.
Now, the fifth and sixth lines never sound very good,
For the forest is threatened by men,
But the E.P.A. looks out for Unicorn woods,
So it all ends up happy again.

The Unicorn Song is a folklore tradition
That goes back for many a year,
With a syrupy style that I wouldn't wish on
The makers of Three-Two Lite beer.
There's quaint reminiscence of childhood days,
And the magic that dwells in the heart,
And a truckload of similar hoary clichés
That aren't worth a Unicorn's fart.

On a Midsummer night, when the moon shines above,
He'll appear with such beauty and grace
That a maiden will sigh, and forsake human love
For a horse with a horn on his face.
He'll lie down and settle his head in her lap,
With his hard gleaming horn on her thigh --
If I were to try that, I'd prob'ly get slapped,
And the chance of arrest would be high.

Now, would any of you women give up your fellas
For an equine with burrs, ticks, and fleas?
And the horn's healing properties seem suited well as
A treatment for social disease.
If she's not a virgin, then she is ignored,
From experienced girls they abstain.
The Unicorn uses her once, then gets bored,
Casanova with hooves and a mane.

So listen, young women -- your virtue is pure
If you live by your own heart's advice,
If a Unicorn shows up at your door, be sure
That you're willing to tender the price.
And perhaps the mass media soon will make clear
That the Unicorn's days are now rare,
So, who knows? The next Unicorn Song that you hear
May be sung by Bette Midler and Cher.

New FuMP Song: "Still A Nerd"

I'm trying to finish up a couple of things for this week, and I'm pretty sure I will have at least one by Thursday (in anticipation of MarCon in Columbus on Friday). Meantime, I've got a new song at The Funny Music Project.

IPSTPD 2.1

As I mentioned in the previous post, a couple of weeks ago was the first anniversary of International Pixel-Stained Technopeasant Day. I uploaded some songs, which a lot of you got, but some missed, and I thought that, since there wasn't a huge amount of notice then, I'd make 'em available again for a couple of days:

• A gift song, "Everybody Wants A Barb" (there's also a video!)
• Another gift song, "Kate And Jaana"
• "Something Positive", written for Randy Milholland
• "Brothers Under The Skin", commissioned by Anthrozine
• my concert set from EschaCon 08 on March 29 in Philly

They come down at roughly 6:00 am EDT Wednesday, so get 'em while they're hot. :)

ETA: And they're down. Thanks, everybody -- I hope you like 'em.

IPSTPD Redux

Not a post so much as a heads-up: A number of people found out way too late about my offering for International Pixel-Stained Technopeasant Day, and so I'll repost the files and links this coming Monday and Tuesday. I'll also likely have another song from "Sounds Familiar".