iTom: Free Music From Tom Smith

Music in every style -- except dull. Tom Smith, the World's Fastest Filker and the prototypical geek folk-rocker, releases new music for free download on a regular basis. (It was a song a week for almost a year.) You can subscribe to the RSS feed, purchase a better-quality MP3 of the song, or purchase three months' worth as a downloadable album.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

006: Mythical Frederick

I get buttloads of spam. And I have to check everything, because occasionally something I need gets tagged and dumped into the Bulk folder. It doesn't help that spam generators have gotten weird over the past several months: in ever-more-sophisticated attempts to bypass filters, they've taken to everything from overly sincere exhortations that the writer truly believes there is no better deal available online, to excerpts from poetry or works of fiction, to Strangeass Q. Sendernames, to simple random phrases.

Well, one day something came through with the subject line, "mythical Frederick". I grinned and sang to myself, "Mythical Frederick doesn't exist -- that's why he's got me so bloody pissed", and suddenly realized I was about to write a Beatles pastiche.
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Mythical Frederick
Words and Music © 2006 by Tom Smith
Released under a Creative Commons Noncommercial ShareAlike License

Mythical Frederick doesn't exist.
That's why he's got me so bloody pissed.
Clogged up the drain of my shower with hair,
I can't complain 'cause Frederick's not there.

Mythical Frederick ate all the jam,
Bought the wrong bread and bought the wrong ham.
I get so mad when things don't go right,
'Cause Mythical Frederick's nowhere in sight.

Frederick locked my keys in my car,
Got me in fights with toughs at the bar,
You've no idea what trouble I'm in,
From my imaginary evil twin.

Mythical Frederick skimps when he tips,
He kissed the vicar full on the lips,
I can't explain 'cause no one can see
Mythical Frederick did it, not me.

People believe in Santa, it's true,
The Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy too
Kids make up friends, so why can't you see
I've got a made-up arch-enemy?

Frederick got me fired from my job,
Brainwashed my girl to think I'm a slob,
I'll go insane 'cause Frederick, the louse,
Cancelled the payments on my phone and house.

Out in the street, half-froze in the snow,
One act of vengeance before I go
I'll do him in, but he won't be missed,
Mythical Frederick doesn't exist.


At 2:35 PM, Blogger Kendall said...

Nice one. :) I love the 'horn' section!

At 3:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

(TTTO "Eleanor Rigby")

Mythical Frederick,
Gets me so pissed
Though he doesn't exist
In real life...
Oh, what an asshole!

Clogs up my tub drain,
Drinks from my glass
And then dares make a pass
At my wife!
Oh, what an asshole!

All my friends now hate me
Because of my dark twin;
If he had a body
I'd gladly do him in.

At 3:37 PM, Blogger filkertom said...

thecrazycajun -- ]thumbs up]

At 3:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A thumbs-up from himself! Egoboo! Thanks. :-)

(Love the song and the site, BTW. I would only add a comments/support section for people offering suggestions or having questions/problems. F'r'instance, howzabout describing the process and software by which you make all this musical audio goodness happen?)


At 4:51 PM, Blogger Will "scifantasy" Frank said...

I like the tone of this one. Very sing-song.

At 4:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Ororo on lj

At 5:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This makes me think of the very wonderful Neil Innes song The Ready Mades in that it refers to the Beatles in the same sort of way, and is just as wonderfully silly.


At 7:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Admiral Naismith here to tell you you're channeling Shel Silverstein and Edward Lear.

Since we're doing the Beatles, here's mine (ttto "Mean Mr. Mustard")

Mythical Frederick sends junk emails, he never fails, he's a go-gunner...
Says I need Viagra real bad
Pushes every weight-losing fad!
Tells me he's an exile from Chad
Such a mean old man...
Such a mean old man...

His brother Sam sends tons of spam over the dam, sixteen times a day...
Calls from the do-not-call list.
Only gets a slap on the wrist!
Just because he doesn't exist.
Such a fictional man....
Such a fictional man...

At 1:51 AM, Anonymous vettecat said...

Very cute!

At 7:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love it!

I had imaginary friends when I was younger - heck I still do sometimes ;-) - and they got me in a lot of trouble.

Huh? What was that? OH! You like the song too Fredrick? Well then I'll have to tell Tom that!


At 1:32 PM, Anonymous Sherman Dorn said...

Oooh... nice. With "The Girl That's Never Been," it needs a few more to be packaged in a filk mental-health album. Um, er, ...

Regardless of that, very nice stylistic touch.

At 11:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...




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