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Monday, July 16, 2007

048: Dead Again

(I'm very sorry this week's song is late. Real Life at up a lot of time, I'm working on several songs that need to be done soon, and I caught Ye Crudde this past weekend. So I will have to redo the vocals on this one anyway.)

Lots of "experts" are convinced that video games inure people, especially kids, to violence. (As if, say, football isn't violent.) It doesn't seem to occur to any of them that, for the most part, people really do understand the difference between video game "violence" and actual, real-life people-getting-hurt violence. I am committed to nonviolence... and one of my favorite computer games is Quake 3 Arena. Gimme that rocket launcher and I'm good, baybeh.

There is certainly one thing that has been conclusively demonstrated by video games, however -- the pathology of the designers in coming up for interesting ways for the game to end.
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Dead Again
Words and Music © 2007 by Tom Smith
Released under a Creative Commons Noncommercial ShareAlike License


Rocket launcher, rail gun, BFG Nine Thousand One,
Never saw it coming and I never had a chance.
Bad enough being dead, Sub Zero pulled off my head,
Master Chief is doing his victory dance.

Lost Asia in Risk, Diablo burnt me to a crisp,
Even though I had the Godly Plate of the Whale.
Two pair, eights and kings, Sauron got the One Ring,
Getting dysentery on the Oregon Trail.

Harry Potter came up short dueling with Voldemort,
Elspeth Holliday met the Blair Witch.
Spider-Man showed such aplomb till he met that pumpkin bomb,
Mr. Incredible didn't throw the switch.

Cliff racers, cave bats, stupid frickin' giant rats,
Deadly pirahna poodles, or soldier ants,
You were eaten by a grue, Hah! The wumpus got you,
Nancy Drew and Scooby Doo teabagged in Halo 2

Dead again,
Splattered all over a rendered killing floor,
Dead again,
Let me respawn and I'll be back for more,
Dead again,
Let me get to the checkpoint, then you can do your worst,
Dead again,
Then I'll reload but this time I'll shoot first.

My marble plummets from a height, should have rolled it to the right,
Jumped through lots of traffic but then fell off a log.
Russian cubes from the sky, and I let 'em stack too high,
Punched right off the screen by a humanoid frog.

T-rex got me, now I'm toast, chased down by a blinking ghost,
Landed on some spikes and dropped every last ring.
Bitten by a fanged slug, Jafar zapped my flying rug,
Trampled in a bog by a Barbarian King.

Mechanized war bots, Mudokan slingshots,
Centipede dropping a flea on my head.
Couldn't fly as Alfred Chicken, Duke Nukem kept on kickin',
Fought Guy of Gisborne with only some bread.

Skeletons hit me twice, dragon breath cased me in ice,
Couldn't line up all the jewels three in a row,
Shot up by Miami cops, beaten with karate chops,
Kept on missing platform hops, and the timer never stops.


Dead again,
How come these worlds have so many bottomless pits?
Dead again,
And everyone that I meet wants me blown to bits.
Dead again,
Reincarnation one byte at a time,
Dead again,
It's so embarassing to be killed by green slime.

Real life goes on until you're
Dead, or so I'm told,
Injury, catastrophe, or
Simply growing old
Fantasy's supposed to be where
You can find your dreams,
But all I find is game designers
Hooked on players' screams.

Smothered by a boa constrictor, drawn and quartered by a lich or
Eaten by a cat while dodging Beethoven's Fifth.
My flying ostrich drowned, monkeys thowing barrels down,
Torn apart by creatures out of legend and myth.

Zombies got a hold of Jill, nurses up in Silent Hill,
All those German snipers on the beach at Omaha.
Swallowed by the sand worms, infected by some nasty germs,
Didn't slap the leather when I heard him say, "DRAW!"

Running from Koala Kong, made a turn that's really wrong,
Sephiroth's supernova fried us where we stood.
Broiled in a lava flow, squashed by Super Mario,
Didn't make my saving throw again,st lawful good.

Thirty zillion space machines blowning up in cut scenes,
I actually found a way to die in Myst.
Ninja swords decapitate, plasma guns obliterate,
Pocket nukes annihilate, reboot, transubstantiate.

Dead again,
Inching ahead until once more I choke,
Dead again,
The funeral bills would leave my whole state broke,
Dead again,
Something is trying to chew off both my legs,
Dead again,
Who in the hell dreams up these easter eggs?

Dead again,
All of the guys at work think I'm a freak,
Dead again,
They watch golf and NASCAR every week,
Dead again,
They'll never understand what I call fun,
Dead again,
'Cause any of my lives is cooler than their one.

16 Comments:

At 10:28 AM, Blogger Jenny G. said...

God Tom that is so good, I guess since I knew almost every game you referenced so I play too many games. Well from an ex-Pagar Kajira and current Gorian Panther Girl in SL, all I can say is pass the rail gun and lots of ammo. It would beat the hell out of the bow, whip and dagger I use now, and yeah any of my lives is cooler then there one. Love Jenny.

 
At 7:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is my new theme song and you are my hero.

 
At 12:00 PM, Anonymous arensb said...

Is there an annotated version of the lyrics that lists the game references?

Also, does the phrase "teabagged in Halo 2" have special meaning? Is it possible to have a dead player suck your balls, or is "teabagged" here just a random synonym for "pwned"?

 
At 12:22 PM, Blogger filkertom said...

I'll certainly put such a list together. And the "teabagged in Halo 2" comes directly from a Top Ten Worst Ways To Die In Video Games compilation, and is exactly what you think it might be. It's really quite something.

 
At 8:54 AM, Blogger Jenny G. said...

Noticed the teabagged line too:
Like i was trying to say I never killed anyone that way. I guess its lack of proper equipment.

 
At 7:28 PM, Blogger Rebecca said...

The sad thing, is not only do I recognize most of the references- so does my eleven year old geek-in-training son :)

 
At 12:09 PM, Anonymous Archangel Beth said...

*cackle*

One question: "Godly Plate of the Whale" -- would that be what my World of Warcraft enchanters call Equipment of the Disenchant? (Warriors should be in Godly Plate of the Bear!) O:D

 
At 11:58 AM, Anonymous Molakwae said...

I second the motion on the annotation. And I love the fact that this had both old and new games. I haven't seen a Zork reference in filk... well, ever!

 
At 4:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was so hard not to laugh out loud here at work listening to this! Then I imagined trying to explain to these ordinary ppl what and why it was even funny... ;p

 
At 12:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

*does an annotation*

Rocket launcher, rail gun, BFG Nine Thousand One,
Quake II/Quake III. BFG 9000 from DOOM changed to rhyme better
Never saw it coming and I never had a chance.
Bad enough being dead, Sub Zero pulled off my head,
Mortal Kombat
Master Chief is doing his victory dance.
Halo

Lost Asia in Risk, Diablo burnt me to a crisp,
Even though I had the Godly Plate of the Whale.
Armor in Diablo with huge AC and HP bonus
Two pair, eights and kings,
Internet poker?
Sauron got the One Ring,
Any Lord of the Rings game
Getting dysentery on the Oregon Trail.
The Lord of the Rings

Harry Potter came up short dueling with Voldemort,
Elspeth Holliday met the Blair Witch.
Blair Witch I: Rustin Parr
Spider-Man showed such aplomb till he met that pumpkin bomb,
Spider-Man: The Movie
Mr. Incredible didn't throw the switch.
The Incredibles

Cliff racers,
The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
cave bats,
Tons of games have these
stupid frickin' giant rats,
Tons of games have these too, but Everquest is somewhat notorious for them

>Deadly pirahna poodles,
The Secret of Monkey Island. Note that they can't actually kill you
or soldier ants,
Battle Bugs?
You were eaten by a grue,
Zork
Hah! The wumpus got you,
Hunt the Wumpus
Nancy Drew and Scooby Doo teabagged in Halo 2

Dead again,
Splattered all over a rendered killing floor,
Dead again,
Let me respawn and I'll be back for more,
Dead again,
Let me get to the checkpoint, then you can do your worst,
Dead again,
Then I'll reload but this time I'll shoot first.

My marble plummets from a height, should have rolled it to the right,
Marble Madness
Jumped through lots of traffic but then fell off a log.
Frogger
Russian cubes from the sky, and I let 'em stack too high,
Tetris
Punched right off the screen by a humanoid frog.
Mike Tyson's Punch-Out?

T-rex got me, now I'm toast,
A fairly common enemy
chased down by a blinking ghost,
Pac-Man?
Landed on some spikes and dropped every last ring.
Sonic the Hedgehog
Bitten by a fanged slug,
Out of this World
Jafar zapped my flying rug,
Either Aladdin or Prince of Persia
Trampled in a bog by a Barbarian King.
God of War II?

Mechanized war bots,
Tons of games have these
Mudokan slingshots,
Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee
Centipede dropping a flea on my head.
Centipede
Couldn't fly as Alfred Chicken,
Alfred Chicken
Duke Nukem kept on kickin',
Duke Nukem
Fought Guy of Gisborne with only some bread.
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Skeletons hit me twice, dragon breath cased me in ice,
Common enemies
Couldn't line up all the jewels three in a row,
Probably Bejewelled
Shot up by Miami cops,
Probably GTA: Vice City
beaten with karate chops,
Goldeneye?
Kept on missing platform hops, and the timer never stops.
Typical platformer mechanics

Dead again,
How come these worlds have so many bottomless pits?
Dead again,
And everyone that I meet wants me blown to bits.
Dead again,
Reincarnation one byte at a time,
Dead again,
It's so embarassing to be killed by green slime.

Real life goes on until you're
Dead, or so I'm told,
Injury, catastrophe, or
Simply growing old
Fantasy's supposed to be where
You can find your dreams,
But all I find is game designers
Hooked on players' screams.

Smothered by a boa constrictor, drawn and quartered by a lich
Common video game enemies
or Eaten by a cat while dodging Beethoven's Fifth.
Dragon's Lair II: Time Warp
My flying ostrich drowned,
Joust
monkeys thowing barrels down,
Donkey Kong
Torn apart by creatures out of legend and myth.

Zombies got a hold of Jill,
Resident Evil
nurses up in Silent Hill,
Silent Hill
All those German snipers on the beach at Omaha.
Medal of Honor: Allied Assault?
Swallowed by the sand worms,
Pitall?
infected by some nasty germs,
Dr. Mario?
Didn't slap the leather when I heard him say, "DRAW!"
Mad Dog McCree?

Running from Koala Kong,
Crash Bandicoot
made a turn that's really wrong,
Could be anything
Sephiroth's supernova fried us where we stood.
Final Fantasy VII
Broiled in a lava flow,
Common videogame hazard
squashed by Super Mario,
Super Goomba Bros!
Didn't make my saving throw again,st lawful good.
Common RPG mechanic

Thirty zillion space machines blowning up in cut scenes,
I actually found a way to die in Myst.
Ninja swords decapitate, plasma guns obliterate,
Pocket nukes annihilate, reboot, transubstantiate.
All of these (but Myst) are fairly generic IMO

Dead again,
Inching ahead until once more I choke,
Dead again,
The funeral bills would leave my whole state broke,
Dead again,
Something is trying to chew off both my legs,
Dead again,
Who in the hell dreams up these easter eggs?

Dead again,
All of the guys at work think I'm a freak,
Dead again,
They watch golf and NASCAR every week,
Dead again,
They'll never understand what I call fun,
Dead again,
'Cause any of my lives is cooler than their one.

 
At 11:03 PM, Anonymous Arrow Quivershaft said...

The annotation is good, but there are some errors(although there's some on there that I wouldn't have gotten.)

"Soldier Ants" is likely referring to the venerable game Nethack.

"Punched right off the screen by a humanoid frog" likely refers to Battletoads(although as I recall, the frogs were the protagonists...)

"Chased down by a blinking ghost" is, I agree, Pac-Man.

"Couldn't line up all the jewels three in a row" could also refer to Columns, Sega's counterpart to Tetris.

"Beaten with karate chops" could well be Goldeneye, but there's any number of other games that fit(though Goldeneye is almost certainly the most well-known.)

The Green Slime line in the second refrain may also be a nod to Nethack, where Green Slimes, while not posing a massive threat to a prepared player, can easily kill an ignorant, surprised, or careless one...given how far into the game you must get to even encounter them normally, being killed by one would be quite humiliating.

"Swallowed by the sand worms" would refer to any video game based on the Dune series, as Sand Worms are a major monster on the planet.

"Thirty zillion space machines" probably refers to a Shoot'em Up game, most probably in the Gradius or R-Type series. (I personally think "Blowing up in cut scenes" is a second part of that line and thus a second way to die.)

Other than that, great job! That cleared up the game for some of the stuff I hadn't played and came up dry on wiki!

Arrow

 
At 8:05 AM, Anonymous CamelotVegito said...

All those German snipers on the beach at Omaha. = Day Of Defeat:Source Aka the Battle Of Normandy Map....

 
At 2:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Getting dysentery on the Oregon Trail

This is Oregon Trail, not LotR.

 
At 2:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Getting dysentery on the Oregon Trail" is from Oregon Trail, not LotR

 
At 12:42 AM, Anonymous Steve said...

Hmm. I heard the lyric as "Drawn and quartered by a Lictor", either a stealthy alien beastie from Warhammer 40K, or a iron-fisted political officer from Urban War.

 
At 4:20 PM, Anonymous Ben said...

I don't have it on any of my own systems, but I've seen a lot of Rock Band being played at conventions lately, and now that the Rock Band catalogue is open to user-submitted content (see http://creators.rockband.com/), I wonder if fandom might like to see some of its own music represented. This song seems, for obvious reasons, like a good place to start...

 

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